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July 2007



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Jul. 17th, 2007

(no subject)

I've been too focused on finishing this summer course to write in LJ. All I can say is my BF comes back in 7 days. I'm so excited. And, I started another kind of journal. Not an online journal and not a typical diary. It's a daily log of each thing that make me happy each day, to foucs on my strengths and things that make me feel good about myself. I usually end up with atleast 3 bullet points each day. The house I live in makes it pretty easy to just think about negatives. So, now I go to bed at night with happy thoughts.

Jun. 29th, 2007

(no subject)

why do i write in this crap? no one comments me.

Jun. 22nd, 2007

(no subject)

These past few days I've had a lot on my mind...

~ My boyfriend probably won't be back till the middle of next month. I miss him. A lot. The week he comes back I probably won't even have my phone on, haha.
~ My grandparents are so selfish, and I also now use a heavy box to block my door. I do what I can to repay them for letting me live here: run errands for them, drive them places, and even cook dinner for them the nights I am home but, does that go appreciated?...no.
~ I didn't pass my first quiz for my summer class for some odd reason. I've never studied this much before. <scratches head> And although I've expressed my concerns to my teacher via email she has yet to respond, it's been 5 days and counting; which is really bad since I'll have a quiz ever 7-10 days.

I guess the only good thing right now is my mom seems to be doing OK.  Since my boyfriend left on the 9th I've been home a lot for no particular reason, so her and I eat together in another room away from my grandparents and we talk and we laugh together.  

I made a resume a few nights ago. All I have left to do is put down references, but I'll do that the end of this summer, after my class is over, when I start applying for jobs.  Another thing I'd like to start working on is doing some volunteer work to put down on my resume, plus the field I want to work in pretty much uses volunteer work as a basis for hiring. An added bonus to doing volunteer is that it'll keep me out of this house.

Jun. 20th, 2007

(no subject)

Every aspect of my life just went downhill. I hope something positive happens, but it probably won't.

Jun. 16th, 2007

(no subject)

Wow, I must be bored.  I've done everything I could think of to keep myself occupied for the past few days, so now, it has come to this...LiveJournal.  Woo-hoo! <rolls eyes>  Well, here goes...

Lately, I've become somewhat of a Rachael Ray.  I've been making some delicious meals for dinner! I've made my moms meatloaf, tacos, my step-moms salmon with dill sauce, and chicken in a variety of ways.  And, I now have to ability to just open up our pantry and create something on a whim.  I'm proud of myself for becoming domesticated, finally.  I remember when six months ago all I could cook was brownies and eggs (scrambled or boiled).  *smirks*  Now, all I need is a hubby and I'll be the asian desperate housewife or real asian housewife of orange county. haha. Well, maybe after I buy some knockers. I've been thinking about that a lot lately (marriage, not tv shows or boobs) and all of a sudden I'm really, really looking forward to that.  Hell, I've even decided I do want kids! And, make them, not adopt! LOL! 

I started my summer online class this week. The only thing I'm dreading is the 8-10 page research paper. <barf> Other than that, I'm glad I took a class to keep me somewhat occupied, especially since my bf is in Wyoming for three weeks.  <sniff sniff> "Like a rhinestone cowboy..." all of a sudden I have that song stuck in my head. haha. I miss him and its only been a week since he left.  I've never been with a guy like him before. He's amazing, and it's also amazing how he handles me when I have a problem in my life. I never knew a guy who liked to talk things through more than I do, and if I can't be helped he'll say, "I understand," actually mean it, and then come up with ideas to make me feel better. I haven't smiled this much in a while, and the fact that he's gone until the end of the month is hard.  Just when he left I ran into problems at home, but that's a whole 'nother entry right there. I can't wait till he comes back! I'll probably shut off my cell phone that day (or week), haha.

May. 28th, 2007

(no subject)

I started Accutane 3 days ago. And now I'm really tired. I dunno if its because I spent the weekend with my bf along with the fact that today was our Memorial Day party at my house, or the Accutane since that is a side effect. All I know is that its 8:30 and I'm already ready for bed. LoL.

May. 13th, 2007

(no subject)

One of these days I need to get it thru my thick skull that I am deserving of good things in life when they happen to me. And it needs to happen quick before those good things give up on me or there are no good things left. I can't believe I still have this problem. Don't get me wrong, I am happy, but I want to be even happier so I'm going to work really hard on this.

Apr. 17th, 2007

New Me

  I haven't written in a long, long time.  I've realized that I mainly write in this thing when I'm stressed out, so since I haven't been in a stressful state for months I have no desire to vent.  The reason for this contentment is the new me.  I used be too verbal and honest by over-confronting situations, always being stressed out and angry because I took on too many tasks, and putting too much pressure on my relationships with those around me.  For the past few months I've kept my mouth shut a lot, mainly because I keep saying to myself, "Whatever happens, happens."  It doesn't sound like much, but that little phrase pertains to every situation. It also sets me at ease because for the past few months I haven't been putting myself in a position where if something went wrong it wouldn't be, for certain, that I'm the one to blame. Yes, I'm still responsible for me and what I do, but now I'm not responsible for two people.  And that alone took off so much stress & anxiety, while giving me back my energy to put towards more positive things.  I notice that I smile A LOT more now, and I'm happy from the start of my day. My mood is so refreshing now. 

  The next big decision I've made is to let the opportunity at the mental hospital go.  Part of the reason for this is because they have a really messed up system and the head nurse never returned my message on how he would like me to give him my application for his department; which is what personnel told me to do.  It shouldn't be this hard to apply.  The other half of the reason is because I've always had a tendency to do too much, so in a way, my dad was right that I put stress on myself.  Going back to school was my major priority so I can get my life in order, but the job would cause conflict with my school schedule.  I've always been an impatient person, so since I set high goals for myself, I try to reach those goals in a backwards sort of way. I need to finish school then do the whole mental health thing.  I'll probably just get a job that will allow me to put all my energy into school.  I believe this decision will keep me a happy person.

Mar. 31st, 2007

(no subject)

We went out to Chronic Cantina again last night.  It was better this time since I found out they sell DO Guiness.  The bartender last time I was there said they didn't have it. Other than that, I don't know why whenever I wear a baseball cap to a bar everyone there feels the need to touch it or try to take it off. Obviously, I'm wearing it for a reason. Leave me the fuck alone, dumbasses. 

I ordered a sexy one-piece bathing suit from Victoria's Secret. It's backordered so I wont get it for a few months; which is fine since I don't need it now anyways.  Until then, I'll just keep doing a shit load of cardio. Hehe.

Mar. 26th, 2007

(no subject)

Why do I sleep for twelve-thirteen hours?...even when I fall asleep around midnight?  Haha. So, like every other day, I got twelve hours of sleep and woke up around 1.  

I jogged/walked on the treadmill for an hour this afternoon. I've been good and kept up with that, but it just doesn't feel like enough.  I think I need to not drink so much beer, haha.  I have seen a lil bit of improvement on the back on my thighs. 

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